Sometimes there comes a moment where everything you worked for seems so meaningless. “Was this really a right choice? What the heck was this decision based on? I was so stupid back then and I am paying the price now.”
Yeah well, this kind of words.
Not so long ago I found myself caught in a vicious circle. With no clear vision of a way out. I didn’t even realize I was caught. It happened that I tried to plan the next years of my life. I had my masters figured out, I found a nice cozy flat and decided what kind of work I want to do for the rest of my life. I figured out what I have to do that my dog will be able to travel with me on the plane and started to teach her all the very needed “stay” exercises that she never actually really understood. In case I will move to Australia and the poor dog will have to stay on the plane for 24 hours. I figured out how I’ll have skype calls with my family and become so damn rich that they will visit me every weekend. I’ll get a job in a clinical field and become a super famous clinical practitioner. Just like that, just because I am so motivated. I will have a super nice house later with my boyfriend moving around with me everywhere and I’ll do TEDx talks about how I came out of nothing. Yeah, I really made those plans. At the age of 20. Ooooh, I know what you’re asking. You’re asking yourself if I have a life. You probably ask yourself if I know what 20-year-olds do nowadays.
I don’t, actually.
I kinda never fit into the system. Any system whatsoever. I was so angry with the system that I wanted to gain all the information possible to never make a mistake. Ever. Mistake is not an option, I will do everything right. What is right anyway? The point is that I tried so hard with planning my future that I forgot to live in the moment. Every deviation from my plan would be a total failure. From my point of view. In my head, there was a clear straight path that I have to go in order to be happy and satisfied. Oh, so I am not happy now. Why is that so? What is happiness anyway?
You know, motivation is important. Really. Internal motivation is the key to success. And I had plenty of it. But just motivation is not enough. Just like having all things planned out to the exact moment is never okay. Something always happens that ruins your plan. Something interferes with it. Or just as simple as it can be – life happens.
By the way, this is why I love cliches. If you put them in the context they make so much more sense. And another “by the way”, I love this blog thing because I can be my own master and I can really put my mind out here. Just as my thought flow.
Anyway, I wanted to say that having so much motivation, having a plan and an exact path figured out is not enough nor isn’t always a right thing to do.
My plan didn’t work out because of the system and life itself and the system and life are not so simple that one can plan everything out. The whole process.
I had a goal to become a great clinical psychologist. Simple goal, long path. At that time I had a plan to do my three years bachelors, two years master, Ph.D., specialization and here we go. I am a super famous psychologist with all the knowledge of the world. The one and only truth is that I am 21 years old and I am finishing my bachelors. I am in the beginning of my path and I don’t know if I want to be a super famous and awesome clinical psychologist since there are so many things I like within the field of psychology. I had to rearrange my goals due to this “life happens” thing that made me think. Traveling, growing up, fitting in the system or rather saying, trying to fit in, experiencing experiences from different areas of work within psychology and some really important life experiences per example losing a friend due to mental illness. My mind did wander. Oh yeah it did. I didn’t know how to help people and I didn’t even know how to help to myself. How to stop my thoughts coming and coming.
At that moment I began to think that this is not as easy as I thought it will be. This path is not so clear and straightforward. I have to take step after step in order to fix what’s been broken inside me, to find myself and to start going for the one and only goal that I truly have. You know what this is? To be happy and fulfilled. Cliches, here we go again. 🙂
So after my first blog which was more of a welcoming kind, there is this one which also is kinda lyrical in some way. In my third blog, I’ll start writing about my goal – HAPPINESS and the science behind it. Can’t wait for you to read it!
Take care, people! 🙂